I encountered a little bit (ok, a raging LOT) of negativity today from an unexpected source. It was out of left field. It appeared to at first be the normal negative semi-critique I've come lately to expect from that source, then it turned into a beast of undermining what that person had been encouraging me to do for months, if not years: write about my life, write what I know.
What makes you think people want to hear the details of your last relationship?
Whoa.
"It was about growth, about moving forward." Oh what the hell ever. Who the fuck is going to listen to me whining in self defense? Besides, the number of page views tells a different story. I can continue to write despite what those who can't have to say about it. It's not where the negativity comes from (and yes, the source will shock you sometimes) but how you hold up to it.
Maybe a little bundling under the blankets is necessary at first. We all need to digest the events of our lives from time to time. But after that period is over---it can be two hours or two months---we dust ourselves off, consider the source, decide it says more about them than about us, and carry on.
Maybe, when the negativity comes from our inner circle, from where we thought there was sanctuary, the relationship is a little worse for the wear. Maybe we'll watch for signs of future outbursts, and choose to leave that person be when those signs appear. Maybe, in the spirit of New Years' Resolutions, we'll limit our time with those whose constant critique is no longer serving us. Maybe those things aren't all bad.
My Christian upbringing tells me to turn the other cheek, to smooth things over as if it was, after all, really all my fault to begin with. This approach can be called internalizing the negativity. My yoga instruction tells me to suffer with equanimity (the ability to get hurt without hurting someone back) , a concept that was truly foreign to me at first. I'm sincerely giving this approach a try. But on the other hand, it's probably my pride telling me that I should not go to this person and apologize for being who I am.
But the poet Maya Angelou once said (paraphrased), "You can't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You have to have one hand free to throw something back once in a while." This perspective lines up best with my worldview, even though in this situation I am not throwing anything back, other than lightheartedly questioning this friend with what was really the issue, why they were being so grouchy. I guess old habits die hard.
Is this the best worldview to have? (You hurt me, I hurt you back?) Probably not, and I'm working on that. But should I continue to be long-suffering in a relationship that has been more and more a one-way street? I don't know. I will debate this point probably longer than I should. But I will continue to write.
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